Thought of the day: Why do we need sleep?
Ah, Saturdays, they come too slowly and leave as soon as they arrive. Or so it seems; today has gone by slightly slower, however, which is nice. I was able to get some time to myself today while my siblings and mother went out, and in that time I cleaned up a bit and started working on some self-issues. I've never really had a high self esteem or positive self image; I've always known this, but it took me until recently to realize that I rely on others to validate who I am. I especially do this to Josh, which not only stresses the both of us out but makes me feel worse when it hurts him. It's not healthy to rely on others for self worth, and I'm starting to see that more as my dependency grows. So today, I've been working on improving my self image - continually bashing on myself will do nothing for me but make my relationships with other people worsen, if not break. I've decided to set up a goal for myself; every day, focus on one good thing about myself and exercise it. For example, I took up this blog in part to exercise my writing ability, get out my thoughts, and improve my self esteem. So far, it's been working. I feel better about myself, and I enjoy writing immensely. It's a release of emotions and a way for me to rationalize my thoughts. I've also been working on drawing and calligraphy lately; every so often, I like to make little projects for people. If I can find my calligraphy paper, I came up with a great idea for something to make for Josh. Well, I didn't come up with it on my own, but if I can replicate it onto calligraphy, hopefully he'll be impressed. I'm also trying to take up more activities this summer in order to release emotion and feel better about my image. Hopefully, in gradual steps, I'll be able to make this work. I also have to remember to stop focusing on the negative - everyone has faults and problems. The important part is that I see each of my mistakes as a chance to learn something new for future reference, and that I recognize the good in me and exercise that. Another good thing in myself is that I enjoy helping others in whatever way I can; it makes me happy to make others happy. I try to help all I can, especially Josh, and hopefully with a more positive outlook on myself, I can help him to have a positive outlook on himself as well. I can't escape my follies, I can only do better the next time around. Which I always strive to do. I have so much hope for the future, but also fear; I suppose what I also need to work on is diminishing that fear. Fear has controlled me for far too long lately - it's time to take control of my emotions and follow my dreams. And for everyone's sake, I have to learn to love myself again. But now I'm merely ranting about my emotions; the day hasn't been too exciting yet. I'd like to help my mother out with the cooking tonight and set aside some time to read tonight. I haven't read a good book in awhile, but hopefully I can find something that will hold my interest. Until then, I have no homework over the weekend besides an essay, and chores around the house that still need to be done. May procrastination not get the best of me today. With this improved mindset, may tomorrow prove to be a sunny day after all.
No comments:
Post a Comment